Balance Is Hard

Achieving a life “in balance”, with all those things you need and want flowing together in perfect proportion, would leave you feeling accomplished on all those things that matter to you the most. Yet it appears that many of us, and certainly for me at times, fail brilliantly at this, leaving us stressed, unhappy, and feeling like a failure. Why is something so desirable, healthy, and self-gratifying so difficult to get right? I have some opinions on that and some suggestions that may help. 

Balance is not one-size-fits-all, but the exact opposite, a unique blend, custom fit for you, your desires, and situation. But have you defined your “balance”, or are you just hoping that life will deliver it as the result of all the choices, good and bad, you make throughout the day? As they say, “a failure to plan is a plan to fail”. Like writing this article, you have to decide what goes in and what gets left out, and the left-out part is really tough to figure out. Balance would be easy if there were unlimited minutes in your day or if you had just enough activities. The first certainly isn’t true, and rarely is the second. You need to come up with your desired end-state and compare that with where you are today. Figure out what to give up, what to add, and the steps needed to get there. I doubt that’s a straight line, and pretty sure you will revisit your choices early and often. Balance doesn’t mean finding one blend and sticking to it forever. Shaking up your balance every so often is necessary to keep it in balance. At least it is for me.

There are a number of “positive” reasons for getting out of balance. We like being “givers”, unselfishly donating our time to others in pursuit of their activities. It gives us pleasure to say “yes,” and that’s really easy to do if it’s a future event and not an immediate request. We’re passionate about our causes, our faith, and our families. Smiles and thank yous are wonderful outcomes, and we like to think we gave it our all. We like being busy, but busy and balance are very different things. Being a Type A, I like being busy and feeling accomplished as a result, most of the time. But balance for me is being busy on the right things in the right proportion over the right time frame. As a friend of mine quite accurately stated, “When we work, we work hard, and when we play, we play hard. And when we stop, we fall asleep”. Sums up my balance plan very well.

Then there are the “negatives” that drag us into a doom loop of imbalance. Thinking we have to explain and justify each decision, defend why you said “No” to this and “Yes” to that, and listening to the whining and complaining and “That’s not fair!” that ensues. It’s easy in the short term to say “Yes” to everyone, avoid the arguments, and give ourselves fully to others’ demands and desires. And this just adds fuel to the next round, knowing you will give in with enough “persuasion”. Our own passions also get in our way, wanting only the best for our children, wanting to be more successful at work, or wanting to be seen as the pillar of faith at our place of worship. I’m certainly the type that can “be my own worst enemy”, always looking at how to do something better or quicker. Taming the internal beast, saying “No” to yourself is every bit as difficult as telling others the same thing.

My advice starts with another saying I’ve carried for years, “Everything in moderation, including moderation”. Life, and balance, isn't always about a little of this and a little of that, but I include those things that take too much time and effort, but only once in a while. If you equate balance with boredom, you’re still out of balance. Indulge at times or give a project your all, then work back towards your target. Balance is more of a long-term goal than a daily quest. Balance is fluid, changes with the seasons, and with your mood. Take a break, start a new hobby, give up an old one, shake things up, then settle things down. 

“No is a complete sentence”.  It truly really is, and it’s advice you should learn well. You do not have to give reasons, you don’t have to negotiate, and you don’t have to even talk about it. Use it sparingly, but use it when the “persuasion” mounts and you’ve already made your decision. Let them whine; just tell them to do it elsewhere. Like the freedom of speech, you have the freedom not to listen. 

My final advice is to have a to-do list that never gets completed, but just gets added to, crossed off, rewritten, and prioritized over and over. Get used to not getting it all done because there’s always something that needs to be done. But getting the right things done in the time available will reduce stress and eliminate the feeling that everything on the list is equally important and that it doesn’t matter what gets done. If an item stays on the list too long, cross it off. New items don’t have to go on the bottom; it just might be the new number one. Don’t make your to-do list into a wishlist; keep those separate. Keep a bucket list for the big wishes. I have so many lists, I should probably have a list of lists. But that’s just me.

I hope one or two of these can help you on your journey to balance, if that’s indeed your destination, as it is mine. 

My Retirement Resume

Am I qualified to retire? Do I have what it takes?

I’ll reflect here as retirement being the next job I desire to obtain and give it a job description, that list of required and desired qualifications that the perfect candidate would possess to be successful, and that stack that up against an honest self-assessment.

The most obvious qualification, and maybe the hardest one to quantify, is having the financial resources, since this new job doesn’t pay anything, sort of like being a full-time volunteer. For most people, retirement will bring a reduced monthly paycheck delivered by some combination of pensions, 401(k), IRA, investments, savings and Social Security. So the real question here is not how much is available, but can you change your spending habits to match. It’s a real boost if you don’t have a house payment or other large loans, or have children “still on the payroll”, but ultimately the question, and hence the qualification, becomes can you balance your spending with your resources without draining them too quickly.

I believe I’ll be qualified financially in the very near future. Frankly, I’ve lived at times in my life, quite happily in fact, on far less than I’ll have in retirement. I can dial it back as needed and expect to have more time to look for opportunities to save on monthly expenses. But honestly, short of working until I die, this is really a matter of timing and delaying retirement until I have no choice or having a little more to spend just isn’t worth the benefits of this new job, like sleeping in and slowing down. And naps. Really looking forward to naps.

A big qualification for this retirement job, and one that holds many people back, is filling your days. The average paying job requires a minimum of 40 hours of actual work time in a week, but adding in waking up, showering, shaving, getting dressed, commuting to and commuting from an office stretches that 8 hours per day into 11-12 hours. Add at least an hour to prepare, eat and cleanup after dinner, plus 8 hours of sleep and the average time to fill with other activities during a work day is about 2 hours. That’s not nearly enough, so lots of chores get moved to the weekend to fill that time up. Do you have, or can you expect to build, enough interesting and fulfilling things to do on a daily basis to prevent you from giving up your self-directed retirement in favor of a boss that will tell you what to do with your time?

I believe I’m qualified to fill my days. I will spend quite a bit of it outdoors, continuing my lifelong running and walking habits, playing golf, skiing and exploring. In looking back at my childhood, when I also had looks of time to fill, I was an avid reader and look forward to returning to that. I have lots of movies to watch I’ve never seen before. I have lots of blogs to write, TED videos to watch, a love of cooking that feeds my love of eating and little house improvement projects. I’m also fortunate that my paying job for the last 40+ years has been in computing, and unlike an accounting or management career, I can continue to dabble in tech. I might even build that “one remote control to rule all devices” I promised my wife ten years ago. But most of all I believe I can dial back my type A personality and just slow down my pace.

Any applicant desiring this coveted retirement position should have the qualification of being in good health. Sitting at a desk all day long gets replaced with lots of activities, and good physical fitness entering retirement will improve both the financial aspects and filling the days. Waiting for retirement to begin that process is like saying you’ll quit cigarettes next week. Can you really expect to reverse a life of coach-potatoing and bad habits when you start in your sixties?

I’m certainly qualified health-wise. I’m on pace to run over 800 miles this year and since the age of seventeen have run nearly 40,000 miles. I take no medications and my heart rate and blood pressure are stellar. I have a few pounds I’d like to lose and retirement will give me more opportunities to exercise, especially walking and golfing.

I have no doubt retirement will be a great and fulfilling job, that I’m well-qualified and that I’m up for the challenge. I’ve been preparing a long time and the closer it gets, the more excited I become. Please hire me!

Beyond Really Tired

Everyone has those times, probably too often, where they were really, really tired.  I recall working 36 hours straight for the final weekend of a data center migration, staying up all night with my girlfriend before taking a college entrance exam and trips to Europe that combine jet lag with serious sleep deprivation. I’m sure we’ve all had that Sunday afternoon where we plopped ourselves on a coach knowing a nap was a few seconds away. And then there is just about every Monday morning, prying ourselves out of bed to face the work week, already knowing we need at least two cups of coffee to cope.

But being “sleepy tired” doesn’t compare with the “totally exhausted” we get when we’ve pushed our bodies beyond the unreasonable, barely able to speak, much less move.  The kind of special tired that physically lasts for days and mentally for months. Here’s my top three, in ascending order from “easiest” to “hardest”.  Simple recalling these to write them down is mentally grueling. But I have time and a comfy couch, so here we go.

I attempted three marathons (26.2 miles) races in my 30’s, completing just one. A marathon is the only race where the question is “Will I finish?” instead of “How fast will I go today?”.  Back in my 150 pound days, running 16 miles was a chore, but not the end of the day, and beyond 16 things became increasingly “not fun”.  The marathon I finished was on a beautiful October day, getting up to 77 degrees under bright sunshine.  That’s about 20 degrees warmer than a beautiful marathoning day.  The pack started out from downtown Columbus, heading north toward The Ohio State University for the first of three loops. After a few miles I noticed that I was in a pack running 7 ½ minute miles, which I knew was too fast for me, but I was just floating along, so I went with it. At the thirteen mile mark I began to realize what a mistake that was and slowed down a bit. Then the thought entered my head that I was only halfway done and had an entire half-marathon ahead of me. I also realized I was feeling the symptoms of dehydration. We headed down the shortest loop, south through German Village. I really started to slow down and began to walk at the water stops, getting two cups of water and carefully drinking it all before running again.  The stops were 1 ½ miles apart and I went from “starting to feel better” after drinking to “I can’t make it” before getting to the next one. That went on from 14 miles to the 20 mile mark, which included having to make the decision of entering the final loop, out to Bexley and back, the final “point of no easy return”. The exhaustion experienced when you’re not close to being done combined with not knowing if you will finish is as much mental as physical, and you’re hammered from both sides. To this day I don’t know how I made it through those six miles. But at the 20 mile mark I not only had “just” 6.2 miles to go, but at that point I knew I could make it. With the mental cloud out of the way, I just needed to make these last miles, and do so very carefully, as runners were off the side of the road, cramping or just “out of gas”, began to become all too common. I made those last miles at a slow but steady pace and crossed the finish line thinking to myself that it felt like I had been running my entire life and this was the first I had ever stopped. I walked, more like limped, back to my car and back to Dayton, used my arms to extract me out of the car, made it to the couch and sat there like I was in a coma while my son’s birthday party began, which I remember little of. I expected that I would not run for a couple days and then resume my usual routine. But the mental exhaustion lasted far further than the physical and it took weeks before I could back back out on a regular basis. That memory, that feeling, is still here to this day.

Next up is the weekend I helped put a new roof on my then mother-in-law’s house. As bad luck would have it, that weekend brought bright sunshine with the temperature in the 90’s, not really what you want when perched on black shingles. Five middle-aged guys attacked the job Saturday morning by taking off the old roof, which had already had been shingled over, so two layers would have to be removed.  Until we got to another section that had three layers. Each shingle required pulling at least two, and often more, nails using the claw end of a hammer, then pitching the shingle off the roof. Over and over until our arms could hardly move. As the sun reached higher and hotter in the sky, we hydrated ourselves with large bottles of Gatorade, three an hour, with no need for a bathroom break. By dinner time we were all shot and came down from the roof even though some shingles still remained, which would just have to wait until Sunday morning.  Not to mention we still had to put the new singles on. I wish I had a picture of how bad I looked as I tried to munch down some dinner.  Sticky bits of black tar from the shingles covered all of us and we all were just beat down. Sunday morning came too soon and three of the guys physically couldn’t get themselves out of bed, leaving the daunting job to my brother-in-law and myself. Fortunately my brother-in-law worked for a roofing company and one of the real roofing guys helped out for a couple hours. This guy was amazing! Hammer flying, the remaining shingles literally flew off the roof in no time. He got us started on the new roof with the two of us barely able to keep up with feeding him shingles as he lined them up and popped them a few times with a power nailer.  But that was a huge shot of adrenaline as progress was fast and furious. After he sadly had to leave, we finished the roof at our much slower pace. Going to work Monday morning felt so good, just to sit in front of my computer, in my air-conditioned office and not having to move muscles that wouldn’t have moved if I had asked them, nicely or not.

Now we come to the worst of the worst. Or the best of the worst.  Whichever, I shiver every time I recall this one.

I signed up for a 14 mile trail run at Caesar Creek State Park, not an imposing amount of miles and I’ve run on trails many times. The course was a seven mile loop in one direction, returning back to the starting area before continuing on in a different direction with a second seven mile loop. Off we stormed into the woods where we quickly discovered these trails were never straight, were filled with roots and about wide enough for two people if they each turned sideways as they passed. And the promised loop was really an out and back, so after a few miles the leaders were flying back towards us on the too-narrow trail. Only once, as I had to look up to make sure I didn’t collide with an oncoming runner, did I lose focus on the path and its roots, resulting in a face first splat to the muddy ground. For the entire race I rarely got more than a few strides in rhythm, constantly changing direction to stay on the path, avoid the roots and dodge the runners. After the first seven miles I was pretty tired and gave a couple thoughts to calling it quits halfway. But I convinced myself that the second half couldn’t continue the same arduous course layout and I decided to make a go of it. This bad assumption led to a bad decision, and the second seven miles were every bit as bad. At the ten mile mark I was spent, exhausted with four miles to go. I don’t know how, and I just as soon not remember, I made it back. I do remember the feeling of panic and knowing I had to leave, get in my car and head home. I had to get out of there. Not sit and rest, not lay down and recover, no, I had to escape that place as if my life depended on it. Too tired to think. I stumbled to my car, got out of dodge and vowed never to run that race again.

The Best of 2016

2016 was another memorable year of experiences with over forty items accumulated. As usual, it’s easy to pick the top few, and the best of the best is usually not in much doubt, but this year the top two, each a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and each provided by one of my children, was as close to a coin flip as I can remember. So I punted, and this year there is a tie at the top! I really can’t decide. Both were incredible! Thank you Mike and Laurie!

The last one in is always a most difficult choice, leaving a couple worthy experiences on the proverbial cutting room floor. So starting with lucky number ten, here’s the best of 2016.

10. The Lion King at The Schuster Center

I might have been one of the very few attending The Lion King that had no idea what the play was about (except something to do with lions), but at least I knew most of the words to the songs. The performance was brilliantly choreographed, turning the stage into a huge African landscape where Simba flees in disgrace, grows up and triumphantly returns to claim his rightful crown and place in the Circle of Life.

9. Irish Coffee at Sam’s Social Club Around the Fire

Located at the Indian Springs Spa (more on that below), Sam’s is a bar/restaurant with a large, circular, outdoor gas firepit which at least a dozen chairs can comfortably fit around. After a day of wine exploration and dinner, we spent several evenings as the temperature began to cool sitting around the fire conversing with people and enjoying Irish Coffee, made with Equator coffee, Jameson and a couple dollops of the most delicious freshly whipped cream.

8. Dayton School of Medical Massage

I’ve been to this school several times in the past but the visit this October delivered unexpected and amazing results. The masseuse asked if I had any particular problem areas and I told her that the lower right part of my back had a “stitch” in it for years and that I regularly go to a chiropractor to help manage it, but it’s never gone away. She began exploring that area, found the tightness and worked on it for several minutes until she worked it out. I left that appointment without a trace of that old familiar discomfort, and it’s not returned. A minor miracle, delivered by a student, now later in life, working on her next career. Incredible! She will go far.

7. Walk Along the Scenic Road in Carmel

I’ve been to Carmel a dozen times, but it took a breakfast conversation with the owners at Friar Tuck’s to learn about walking Scenic Road, which starts at the bottom of the Ocean Avenue hill, just before Carmel Sunset Beach. Walking south you have the Pacific Ocean on the right and multi-million dollar homes perched on the left, facing the setting sun, and each unique and beautifully landscaped. A few had wavy roofs, at least that’s the best way to describe them.

6. Indian Springs Resort and Spa Mineral Pool

The city of Calistoga was home base for our wine exploration, focused on discovering new Pinot Noirs, and Indian Springs is an old-style resort built by Sam Brannan in 1861. The olympic-sized pool is fed from an adjacent natural geyser, with water spewing every few seconds at 230 degrees Fahrenheit, then cooled before reaching the pool at 100 degrees. It’s basically a really large hot tub you can swim in. It only takes a few minutes to walk to downtown Calistoga to get groceries at Calmart, lunch on fish tacos at Palisades Deli Cafe or wander through the variety of specialty shops. Mornings included jogging through Calistoga’s neighborhoods, with maturing grapes on rows of front-yard vines, utilizing every available space in prime wine country.

5. The U.S. Open at Oakmont

It was quite the shock when I discovered that it’s possible to buy single day tickets to a major golf tournament. This year’s U.S. Open was played just outside of Pittsburgh at the Oakmont Country Club, so it was a no-brainer to scoop up tickets for the Saturday round. After major rain storms in the days before, Saturday was sunny and beautiful and the golf course in excellent shape. We watched the top pros battle narrow fairways and slick greens, frequently seeing what appeared to be great approach shots ever so slowly roll ten or more yards off the green, then followed by a great chip shot and par-saving putt. These guys are phenomenal.

4. Iron Horse Vineyards

We visited about a dozen wineries during our five-day stay in Napa Valley and most were beautiful buildings with gorgeous views, but the one that topped them all was Iron Horse. We had asked a number of people where to go to taste champagne, named sparkling wine in the U.S., and everyone named Iron Horse as their top choice. Iron Horse is located in the Green Valley appellation within the Russian River Valley of Sonoma County, on acres of gentle rolling hills at the end of a one-lane road. Tasted a variety of sparklers and stared at the scenery in the late afternoon sunshine. Serenity at its best.

3. Lady Antebellum

We attended several concerts at The Fraze Pavilion in 2016, all good, but Lady Antebellum was over-the-top excellent. There are not many concerts where standing the entire time is OK with me, and this was that rare exception. Starting with their hit “Downtown” and including all their hits like “Just A Kiss”, “American Honey”, “Bartender” and “Need You Now”, Lady Antebellum is a high-energy trip and the entire band gets into it. The 4,000+ people in the audience joined in a chorus of “ABC’s” with Eisele Tyrrell, the three-year-old daughter of lead singer Hillary Scott and husband/drummer Chris Tyrrell. It was Eisele’s first ever stage appearance and the crowd applauded widely.

1 (tie). Flying a Helicopter

My daughter bought me a gift certificate to Cloud 9 Living and my selection was taking a helicopter lesson which included a half-hour ride and some solo piloting, of course with a certified instructor (Matt) that monitored everything and could take over in a split second. After about forty-five minutes introducing how helicopters function, the purpose of the overhead and tail blades, how to control motion horizontally and vertically, and plenty of safety training, Matt pulled the small, two-seater out of the hanger and towed it to a take-off pad. After performing a thorough outside review and then the inside pre-flight checklist, Matt fired up the engines and we waited while the engines came up to operating speed. We checked over our right shoulder to make sure all was clear and Matt lifted off and moved over to the runway. It what I can only describe as a “Superman Moment”, Matt gunned it forward, then banked right as we climbed. No fear, just the rush of flight as the ground fell away. It was probably the coolest feeling I’ve ever experienced. Once up to our flying altitude and positioned over a highway to follow, I got to fly for about ten minutes, following one highway, then another. After we began our way back to the Batavia airport, Matt demonstrated how a helicopter can glide down without engine power. Disengaging the motor, the helicopter began a gentle, and eerily quiet, decent towards an open field. Matt explained that in an actual emergency landing he would get close to the ground with the helicopter pitched forward, then pull backwards to stop the forward motion a few feet off the ground. The final second you’re a rock, but hopefully an alive rock. Re-engaging power, we continued back to the airport and all the sudden we pitched right, then pitched left, the scariest moment (for me) of the flight. Matt pointed to a couple birds that had passed by and emphasized the importance of avoiding them. Now back at the airport we hovered over an open field and Matt had me practice trying to hold the helicopter in place about 20-30 feet above the ground. This is much harder than it would appear, and the 10-15 mph wind made it an even greater challenge for this first-timer. Finally Matt took over, moved us back across the runway to the pad and landed as light as a feather. The guy is good!

1 (tie). The Ohio State University vs Michigan Football Game

My son bought season tickets for the OSU football games and offered me the chance to go to the traditional, regular-season-ending rivalry game versus Michigan at “The Shoe” in Columbus. Little did I know in August that OSU would be ranked #2, Michigan #3 and the game would likely decide which team would make the four-team College Football Playoffs. We made it to Columbus by 8:00 am for plenty of pre-game tailgating before the noon kickoff, enjoying several hot Fireball Apple Cider’s to stay warm, listening to music at the outdoor HineyGate and well positioned on the main way as Urban Meyer and the team made its way to the stadium. We were part of the record crowd of 110,045 fans as Ohio State took an early 7-3 lead, only to give up two touchdowns to fall behind 17-7 and not looking sharp. But the defense stepped up their game and a late third quarter touchdown left them trailing 17-14 entering the final quarter. A missed chip-shot field goal, Durbin’s second of the day, with seven minutes to go left the crowd stunned. But a three-and-out gave OSU one more chance from their own 18 with 5 ½ minutes on the clock. They made it an even deeper hole following a 6 yard sack on the first play of the drive. OSU got traction at that point, JT Barrett and crew passing and running down to the field before sputtering in the final two minutes and lining up for a potential tying field goal, another chip shot that had the crowd praying and hiding their faces, waiting for the either the thunderous explosion of enjoyment or the bitter quiet of defeat. The explosion was heard and we headed to overtime, the first ever since overtime started in 1996. OSU got the ball first, at the opposite side of the stadium we were sitting, and took only two plays, the first by Samuel and the touchdown by Barnett to take their first lead since the first quarter. Michigan responded with a fourth-and-goal 5-yard touchdown pass. They switched ends of the field, now directly in front of us, and Michigan got the ball first in the second overtime. The Buckeyes limited them to a field goal on another three-and-out stop. With Michigan leading by three, Ohio State made a first down on fourth-and-one on a controversial spot by the referees, but I saw it and it was the proper spot! On the final play, Samuel sprinted around left end for the game winning touchdown and a 30-27 victory! The place went nuts and tens of thousands of fans stormed the field in joyous celebration! An instant classic!

Catching The Cruise Ship

I solemnly swear I will never go through this again.

My first cruise experience got off to a rocky start, to say the least. We booked a direct flight from Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky airport to Miami so that we would arrive several hours before departing on the Celebrity Century cruise ship. We awoke to a beautiful Saturday morning and the weather would not be an issue. Saturday morning traffic through Cincinnati would also not be an issue. We could taste the salt air and the rum drinks already. Then the first text arrived, early in the morning.

Our flight was delayed.

We looked online and every other plane in the whole airport was making an on time departure, except ours. Just our luck. But not a problem, we still have plenty of buffer, and now we have time from breakfast at First Watch. We loaded our luggage in the Jeep and left for the week. During breakfast the second text came through.

Our flight was further delayed.

This delay was going to make getting to the ship tight. And what are the chances that this wasn’t the last delay. We headed to AAA, our travel agency, for assistance in finding alternate flights. There was a flight from Dayton connecting through Atlanta that would arrive about the same time as the twice delayed original choice. We rebooked, not wanting the maintenance issue the first flight was having to bite us a third time. We also starting some contingency planning, which included stopping at home to pick up two carry-on bags in the event our luggage was delayed in baggage claim.

We headed to the Dayton airport talking about what we should put in the carry on luggage. Swimsuits, some dressy clothes and makeup made the list. Anything we thought we could buy on board was left in the large suitcases. We parked at our usual Park-N-Go and packed the critical twenty percent in the carry on’s, in a wicked, blustery 34 degrees, and sat our near-frozen bodies in the shuttle van. Our new flight was on time and we had no issues getting to Atlanta.

Getting to Miami was a different story.

The plane was late leaving Atlanta and now the stress was building. It would be close, and we had to be the first people off the plane, abandon the large luggage, sprint through the airport and find the first available taxi. We were first off, really upsetting the flight attendants by getting out off seats way before were at the gate. We ran, dragging our little luggages, and found a cab. “$20 tip if you get us to the port really fast”. He didn’t disappoint and literally flew down the Interstate to the dock. We arrived with just under a half hour to spare. We started calming down, until the dock agent told us the boat was already closed.

That’s when panic set in and the stress level shot through the roof.

One of us called the Travel Agent and the other her sister who was already on board. What the hell was going on? We have to be on board by 4pm we were told and we still had time. Her sister ran down the boarding plank looking, but couldn’t spot us. But we were at the correct dock, we had checked and double-checked that. Finally another dock agent came out and asked what ship we were on. The Celebrity Century we said. The agent pointed across the parking lot to another gate told us to run there as fast as we could. While we would have been in the proper place three hours before, when the lines were long, we were out of place now. The first agent thought we were on the boat directly behind her, and didn’t think to ask. God bless agent number two!

We ran across the parking lot, dripping sweat in the hot Miami sun, and finally made it to the proper gate.

With nine minutes to spare.

The stress, the shaking and the trembling called for immediate medical attention, in other words, the first alcoholic drink to be found. We dumped our little luggages in our room, found the family and banged a beer. And another. And watched as the boat pulled away from the dock, more ready than ever to enjoy the cruise.

And I solemnly swore, from that day forward, to fly in the day before.

So help me God.

Walking to Shell

Do you have that special time with your children?  A time when there are few distractions, a sense of purpose and time to talk. I did and it consisted of a half-mile walk to the neighborhood Shell gas station to get a can of pop.  This Shell had five or six machines and a few dozen different selections.  On a nice summer day we would walk up, buy a pop and walk back.  Seems like a simple enough purpose, but that’s not what this story is about.

A mile walk, at a child’s pace, provides at least 40 minutes of time to talk. I used that time to pose questions to them and we would discuss.  For example, the absolute question “is it always wrong to kill someone?”.  Most of these types of questions resulted in a resounding “yes!”. Then we would talk about self-defense.  Other questions allowed us to explore the history of the Civil War or the thorny issues around abortion. These talks allowed us to explore many questions and taught them that there are few, if any, absolutes in our world and that they needed to critically think for themselves.  I personally think that’s one of the most important duties as a parent. They need to think for themselves and not believe everything they hear. And the lessons did not stop there.

The first time we made this trek, the three of us found ourselves standing in front of the pop machines trying to decide what to have. The kids couldn’t make up their minds and after a few minutes I decided on a root beer.  That also made up their minds and two more root beers were purchased. The second trip also ended in them having what Dad decided. Time for a precious learning moment. On the third trip I just feigned not being able to decide and forced them to make their own decisions before I selected last. They had to step back, think about what they wanted and slide their two quarters into the machine. But after that first time where they were forced to decide, they never just chose what I chose. They liked figuring it out for themselves and occasionally take a risk to try something different. Sometimes achieving that freedom takes a small push, and again, a duty every parent should happily deliver.

I fondly remember those walks and talks. I also remember their mother thinking I was cheap because I only spent a dollar on them. She didn’t understand how priceless a little walk, and a little talk, could be.

2016 Wine Country Vacation

Friday, September 2

Up at 5:30am and out the door 6:45am to make sure we get to CVG with time to spare. A relatively light day of traffic through Cincinnati with little delay. The usual great service at the long-term parking lot, giving us plenty of time to enjoy double-shot Bloody Mary’s before the flight. The first leg got us to Los Angeles (LAX), an hour or so layover and then to short, 300 mile flight to San Jose. We each watched Superman vs. Batman using Delta’s GoGo Inflight, Wi-Fi-delivered entertainment system. Very much enjoyed the Dorothy Lane Market sandwiches that Elaine packed for us.

Headed to Budget to get the rental car, a mid-sized Mitsubishi. Headed out to US-101 only to find slow, stop-and-go driving for the first hour, mainly caused by a fire off the side of the road that firefighters were busy putting out. After we got up to full speed, we discovered that the plastic air dam under from front bumper was not securely fastened and when the car went over 60 mph it started to wobble and make scary sounds. Need to swap cars before we head to San Francisco on Sunday.

Made it, finally, to Carmel and headed to Galante Vineyards, meeting Molly, to get the key to our cottage, which turned out to be right above their wine tasting room. One room with a low-slung Murphy bed, little kitchenette and a bathroom. The weather in Carmel is idyllic, with the day time high in the mid-60’s and the night time low in the mid-50s. Unloaded the luggage and found a place to park for the evening, about three blocks down the street in the residential part of Carmel.

The long day of travel made us thirsty, and at Molly’s suggestion, we headed over to the Cypress Inn for drinks. Met Garrett at the bar, a resident at Pebble Beach whose passion is helping people learn the English language, and talked and talked while enjoying two Bombay Sapphire martinis, each, which gave us a second wind. Ordered a little bar food, including some delicious grilled brussel sprouts, and glasses of wine, a Pinot Noir for Elaine and a Zinfandel for Paul. We noticed that the TV’s were playing Doris Day movies, which we thought was a bit quirky, only to find out later that Doris is co-owner.

Google Maps found us Lopez Liquors and Fine Wines, open until midnight!, just a couple blocks away, where we bought a fifth of Jameson for $20. Walked back to the cottage, exhausted and a little buzzed, to have a capper and a much needed nights sleep.

Saturday, September 3

The day began with Elaine bringing coffee from Carmel Valley Coffee Roasting Company back to our room before heading out for food and exercise. While heading north on Monte Verde we checked out the Happy Landing Inn, a cute set of one-story rooms with names like Hemingway and Monroe. A likely place to try on our next trip back.

Ate breakfast at Friar Tuck’s Restaurant at Dolores and 5th Street. Started with a couple mimosas, then Elaine had Eggs Benedict, her favorite, while Paul had scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, toast and more coffee. Chatted awhile with Greg and Cynthia, the owners, who were as entertaining as the breakfast was good. Cynthia told us her favorite walk was south on Scenic Road, which starts at the bottom of Ocean Avenue, right before Carmel Sunset Beach. We took her advice and it did not fail. The beautiful Pacific Ocean on one side and unique, multi-million dollar homes on the other. On the way back we checked out another Cynthia recommendation, Mission Ranch, where sheep graze in fields and the views are gorgeous. After a total of about five miles, made it back to the cottage.

Called up Budget rent-a-car and arranged a car swap at the closeby Monterey Regional Airport, where we exchanged the Mitsubishi for a Kia Soul, which Elaine immediately started calling “the hamster car”. Took the 17 Mile tour of Pebble Beach, which now goes counter-clockwise, which makes way more sense since all the turns into and out of the parking areas for the scenic areas are right-hand turns instead of the far more dangerous left-hand turns. We met a very friendly squirrel who obviously lived on people’s handouts, contrary to the many posted signs that forbade people from feeding the animals. We stopped and took photos before ending up at the Pebble Beach Lodge for pictures at the 18th green and a beer at The Tap Room. Bought some presents at the gift shop, including a Tap Room shooter glass for Paul. Took the back way into Carmel, parked and bought a few more gifts at Carmel Bay Company.

Dinner consisted of drinks and appetizers at the Hog’s Breath Inn, followed by drinks at La Playa Carmel, another place to visit again for its views. The walk back was very dark, with people using their cellphones as flashlights. We had to check out the singing at the Cypress Inn, standing outside a window looking in. The singer started into “Let’s Give Something to Talk About”, which Elaine sang. The singer, who was not getting a lot of participation from her crowd, saw Elaine, opened the window and they dueted for a little while.

A great day, highlighted with the University of Dayton winning its first football game of the year, and combined with Ball State’s win on Friday, puts Elaine in an even happier mood.

Sunday, September 4

The day, like most, began with coffee, getting us ready to for a 3-mile run, down Dolores, Santa Lucia and Carmelo streets and back to Scenic Road, more or less running the path we walked yesterday, but in the opposite direction. Then along Scenic Road, much less crowded in the morning, ending at Ocean Blvd. Finished the exercise by walking up Ocean Blvd, which might have been the hardest part of the morning. Running in cool weather, after several months of extreme heat back home, felt absolutely wonderful.

Packed up the car, grabbed more coffee and a little breakfast, and got on the road headed to San Francisco. Traffic coming towards Carmel, was backed up for at least twenty miles but northbound was smooth sailing, with just a little slowdown around the San Francisco airport, all the way until we got to downtown. Then it was absolutely horrible as we inched along, car length by car length until we finally go to Pier 33 and parked.

Took the ferry boat out to Alcatraz island, munching a much-needed hot dog and Diet Coke along the way. Hiked up to the cell block and got an audio headset, which directs you along, giving a view of the daily lives on some of the worst criminals in history, their escape attempts from the prison and the activities they did to pass their days. Alcatraz also has some of the most stunningly beautiful views of San Francisco, the Golden Gate Bridge and the Bay Bridge, and the cloudless day was perfect for picture taking.

Ferried back to the mainland and took a 45-minute, one mile trip to Scoma’s restaurant for dinner. Thank God for valet parking as we were at our wits end with the traffic. A drink to decompress and appetizers, Clam Chowder for Elaine and a Prawn Cocktail for Paul. Next up was a leafy salad for Elaine and a Caesar salad, complete with yummy anchovies, for Paul. Pacific Black Cod for Elaine and a fried Combo platter for Paul completed the feast.

The final driving leg, which started for a short time with more mind numbing traffic, put us back on US-101, over the Golden Gate Bridge and north past Santa Rosa. Exited and headed east on Mark West Road for an up and down, twisty, curvy adventure through the mountains, which would have been fun except it was now pitch dark outside. However the weary-eyed travellers made it safely to Calistoga and checked into the Indian Springs Resort and Spa, unloaded luggage and headed over to Sam’s Social Club for a nightcap.

Monday, September 5

After the traffic and the hectic schedule of the weekend, it was time for a slow day. At least slow by Elaine and Paul standards. Elaine brought back coffee from the Calistoga Roastery to wake us up before the twenty-five minute drive to Hanna Winery in Alexander Valley for our Veranda wine tasting. The views from the deck are stunning and tranquil, with a lone hawk effortlessly circling the sky. Tracy, our hostess, started with their Chardonnay, one of the best we’ve ever tasted, paired with a New Jersey creamy cheese. Over of the course of an hour we sipped Pinot Noir, Malbec, Cabernet Sauvignon and a blend named Alchemie, more cheese, cherries and nuts. We ended up buying, and having them ship, a pair each of Chardonnay and Malbec, and single bottles of Cabernet and Pinot. We also picked up several ingenious wine bottle toppers which aerate wine as it’s poured, prevent drips and reseals the bottle. These will get much use at home.

Headed back towards Calistoga and stopped at Chateau Montelena, made famous by winning best Chardonnay in the 1976 “Judgement of Paris” and helping put California at the forefront of the world’s wine conversation. The beautiful grounds and the Chateau are worth the visit by themselves. After a short wait we met our pourer Amy, perhaps the happiness hostess on the planet. She gave us some history of the winery and poured five wines including a Riesling, Chardonnay, Zinfandel and a pair of Cabernet Sauvignon, the last one being sinfully delicious and pricey. We had them ship a bottle of Chardonnay and one of the awesome Cabernets and spent enough to get our wine tasting for free, which made the $165 price tag for the Cabernet feel like a bargain. This Cab is slated to open when Elaine retires, another reason for justifying spending that much on a single bottle.

Arrived back at the resort and walked down through Calistoga, deciding on sitting outside at the Calistoga Inn Restaurant and Brewery for a late lunch. Paul had a Calistoga Club sandwich and a glass of Gewurztraminer, and Elaine having a salad with chicken and a mimosa. After lunch we continued the stroll through town, bought some bottled water at Cal Mart and returned to the resort. Donning our suits, we headed over to the Mineral Pool, which is fed by a geyser directly behind the pool. Water and steam, at 232 degrees, shoot from a pipe every few seconds and gets cooled down to 100 degrees to feed the pool, basically making it an Olympic-sized hot tub. The steam room was unlike any other, with just walls and benches with no steam machinery, being that it’s fed from the geyser. There is also a smaller, adults only pool which is kept about 10 degrees cooler than the main pool. The sun and water completed the needed relaxation from the weekend’s whirlwind.

Back to Sam’s Social Club for drinks and dinner. Elaine had a Cauliflower Steak with charred cashew tahini, hot pepper vinaigrette, puffed farro, oil cured olives and pomegranate, while Paul opted for a more traditional Cheeseburger. Ended the evening around the fire drinking Irish Coffee made with Equator coffee, Jameson and twin dollops of the most delicious cream, while chatting with like-minded folks.

Tuesday, September 6

Began the day with more Calistoga Roastery coffee before hitting the neighborhoods for a 2.5 mile run where many houses have grapevines covering their entire front yard. Exercise complete, we showered up and walked the block to the Calistoga Wine Company and purchased a shipping box for a dozen wine bottles. Headed next door to the Palisades Cafe, which we visited on our last trip in 2010, where we picked up lunch for the road, a couple Beer Battered Fish Tacos for Elaine and Rustic Ham and Gruyere Cheese sandwich for Paul.

Headed west back over the Mayacamas mountains, a much easier drive in the daylight, to reach the Russian River Valley, where cooler climate grapes, like the Pinot Noirs we’re after, grow well. First stop was Merry Edwards Winery. Merry Edwards was the first female winemaker in Napa, was the founding winemaker at Matanzas Creek and her awards include being inducted into the Culinary Institute of America's Vintner’s Hall of Fame. Ron poured three Pinots with a white wine on either side. Very unusual to end with a white, but this one was nicely oaky and was up to the challenge. Clearly the best Pinot to us was the 2013 Meredith Estate Pinot Noir (named after Merry), and we came away with two bottles.

At Ron’s recommendation, our next stop was Dutton Goldfield, just up the road. David first poured a unique Pinot Blanc, a white Pinot that “should have been a red”. Being a slow day, one of the benefits of visiting wine country after Labor Day, David lined up three glasses each so we could taste three different Pinot Noirs side-by-side. We highly recommend trying this, it’s a great way to compare and contrast wines, going back and forth between the glasses. We both agreed we liked the Emerald Ridge Pinot the best. We also tried a Zinfandel grown in this cooler area, which gave the wine less alcohol and gentler flavors. Paul finished by trying a Chardonnay while Elaine had another taste of the Emerald Ridge. We ended up purchasing a bottle each of the 2015 Pinot Blanc Shop Block, 2013 Zinfandel Morelli Lane Vineyard and a 2013 Pinot Noir Emerald Ridge Vineyard.

We ended the wine day with a Sparkling Wine tasting at Iron Horse Vineyards, way up in the mountains at the end of a one-lane road. No fancy buildings or pretentiousness, just great cuvees and views as spectacular as they come. A few days before, Carl told us, the lines were five deep behind all their three tasting tables, but today perhaps a dozen or so folks were there. Tasted a variety of sparklers, chatted with some couples and Carl, who had to be a 60’s surfer dude. Took away a 2012 Ocean Reserve Blanc De Blanc, a 2012 Wedding Cuvee and a 2012 Commander’s Palace Brut.

Back to Indian Springs for the much-awaited Couples Massage. There is almost nothing better on this Earth than the relaxation of a massage as your body and mind drift away under the firm and well-directed pressure on your muscles, feet, neck and fingers. You find yourself barely breathing, more relaxed than you can ever imagine. World peace could be achieved if we all had massages every day. Finished up with some water in the Buddha Garden, listening to the water trickling, totally refreshed.

Headed downtown to find dinner and took a chance on Brannan’s Grill at the corner of Lincoln and Washington Street. What a surprise! A fantastic dinner, starting with salads, then Elaine had the “melt-in-your-mouth” half chicken and Paul a Flat Iron Steak, perfectly medium rare, with a generous portion of mac-and-cheese. Need to put a 5-star review on that place.

Ended the day with another Irish Coffee at Sam’s Social Club sitting by ourselves around the fire. Another day, well met and well done.

Wednesday, September 7

Surprise! Morning started with coffee yet again. We have had some really great coffee each morning on this trip, and today Paul had to have a second serving (saying cup would diminish the size) on the way out of town. First stop was the Armstrong Woods Redwood Forest after an hour’s drive, working our way to the furthest point then working back towards Calistoga. The redwoods are absolutely stunning, towering three hundred feet or more above and wider than your arms fully extended. Walking under the shade of their canopy is serene, peaceful beyond words.

We had lunch at Korbel, the second repeat performance from 2010 (Hanna was the first), We each had a glass of champagne, and yes, Korbel can legally call their sparkler champagne, and serve food, being grandfathered in many years ago when the French, well being French, claimed champagne as their own word. Since we own bourbon, maybe that’s a fair shake, but anyway, Korbel has been around for so long that the wine and food police granted them an exception. Lucky us. Elaine had a BLT salad and Paul a salami and brie on soft French bread (OK, I didn’t stay upset that long).

Visited Gary Farrell, another repeat performer, and Lydia poured Chardonnay and Pinot Noirs while we stared out the panoramic window to the beautiful views. Ruthanne, who we met at Dutton Goldfield yesterday, was also working there and immediately recognized us. We quickly decided to join their Wine Club, selecting the six-bottle, thrice a year Connoisseur membership, which allows us to customize each shipment to our desires. Hint: If you ever visit Wine Country and sign up for a Wine Club, do it early in your visit. Your selection and amount they pour will improve dramatically. It also waived the tasting fees, which can really add up, however most wineries, but not all, will waive that fee when you buy a bottle per person. Second Hint: Dress nicely. Slacks and a collared shirt for men, and a dress or long pants for women, will set you apart from the rest of the crowd and gather their serious attention. We selected our six wines for the Fall shipment, and added a 2014 Russian River Valley Pinot Noir Toboni Vineyard and a 2013 Russian River Valley Chardonnay Westside Farms for to our ship home stash,

On Lydia’s recommendation our final stop was Arista and Todd started us out with a wonderful Pinot based on Oregon grapes and moved us to the local Pinots. Todd, who looked a lot like former San Francisco quarterback Steve Young, finished the tasting with local Pinots and a Zinfandel, which we took outside to their Japanese garden. Zen and Zin, a nice match. We took way two of that first wine, a 2014 Pinot Noir Willamette Valley.

Back to Calistoga and dressed up for our dinner at Auberge du Soleil, down the Silverado Trail in Rutherford. This is dining at its finest, perched on a hillside with southern views of the Mayacamas mountains in the distance. We selected the four-course dinners, an initial drink of a martini for Elaine and a glass of Domaine Carneros sparkling wine. Dinner wine was a Stag’s Leap Viognier. Appetizers were White Corn and Blue Crab Soup for Elaine and Sautéed Foie Gras for Paul. Second course was Heirloom Tomato Risotto with Lobster for Elaine and Seared Ahi Tuna with Glazed Pork Belly for Paul. Main course was Prime Beef Pavé for Elaine and Liberty Farm Duck for Paul. Not to be outdone, but having to overcome seriously full stomachs, dessert selections were Japanese Beignets (sinful) with Suncrest Peaches for Elaine and Swanton Farm Strawberries with Fromage Blanc Mousse for Paul. Drove back to Calistoga in the setting sun with full bellies and fond memories.

Thursday, September 8

Getting really used to coffee, and capturing these memories, in bed every morning. I wish every day could start at this kind of leisurely pace. Laced up the running shoes and put in a 3.5 mile run out Grant Street, past Tedeschi Winery, over the Napa River and turning around at the Old Faithful Geyser of California. Most of red grapes on the side of the mountain, primarily Cabernet, are still hanging on the vines where the Pinot grapes west of the mountain have mostly been picked and their leaves beginning to turn yellow. Running past soon-to-be-harvested vines is so much nicer.

Headed to Healdsburg, at Todd’s recommendation and he works there, to Barndiva for lunch. Elaine had their Banh Mi sandwich, consisting of ground pork loin, cucumber and cilantro on a brioche bun. Paul worked his way through a Filet Mignon Burger, complete with avocados and bacon.

Somewhere along the days, but forgotten by now, we had the Stonestreet Winery circled on our map, so we decided we must have been smarter a few days ago and took the fifteen minute drive across Alexander Valley Road to try their wines. We were greeted by Alex, more beautiful views sitting outside for this tasting and learned a little history of a horse name Rachel Alexandra, whose statue adorns the center part of the patio. She was the 2009 Horse of the Year when she won the Preakness Stakes, the first filly to win the race in 85 years, and owned by Jess Stonestreet Jackson Jr., the winery’s namesake, and the “Jackson” in Kendall-Jackson. Departed with a 2013 Stonestreet Chardonnay Cougar Ridge Vineyard and a 2012 Stonestreet Cabernet Sauvignon Rockfall Vineyard, only the second $100 bottle coming home.

Alex suggested Dutcher Crossing, another unfamiliar name, and we took the trek way up Dry Creek Road to their tasting room. Ryan poured several wines, all pretty decent, and we came away with a bottle of their 2015 Winemaker’s Cellar Chardonnay and the 2013 Taylor Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon. We agreed later that this was on the bottom of the list of places we visited, but compared to the duds we’ve experienced on previous trips, this was more because the other wineries were so good. At least they comped us one of the two $10 tasting fees.

Hightailed it down US-101 to J Vineyards for our 4:00 pm appointment. We were seated upstairs overlooking the tanks, pumps and other wine-making equipment and Izzy poured a number of great wines, including a side-by-side comparison of three different Pinot Noirs. We chatted with Izzy for quite a long time before deciding on a bottle each of their 2012 Blanc de Noirs sparkling wine, 2013 Strata Pinot Noir and 2013 Nicole’s Vineyard Pinot Noir. Can’t wait to open the sparkler, which is made with 100% Pinot Noir grapes. If you didn’t know, all grape juice is white and it’s only the contact with the red grape skins during processing that turns wine red. The more time, the darker the wine.

Back to Calistoga and decided dinner would be light after the filling lunch at Barndiva. Walked down the main avenue in Calistoga, peered at a few menus and decided to give Johnny’s a try. Elaine had a couple of chicken sliders and a glass of Pinot Noir, while Paul went for some wings paired with a Sauvignon Blanc. Ended the last evening in Calistoga at Sam’s Social Club around the fire with Paul having his signature Manhattan and Elaine sipping a Gin and Tonic before enjoying our last Irish Coffees. We’re going to miss this place.

Friday, September 9

Coffee, of course, and then breakfast at Cafe Sarafornia on the main drag. Elaine bought a jewelry bag at North Star and some Equator coffee at the Cal Mart grocery store. Paul struck out trying to find some wines we can’t get shipped to Ohio, for example Matanzas Creek Cabernet, at the Calistoga Wine Stop only to learn they can ship any wine we want to Ohio, even when the winery can’t (or won’t). This was great news and we’ll be calling them as soon as we work our way through our overflowing wine collection. Paul bought a Keenan Cabernet Sauvignon and a Chardonnay to include in our two shipping boxes. We now have three empty slots left to fill.

Packed up the bags, loaded the car, checked out and headed our way towards the city of Napa via the Silverado Trail. Stopped in at ZD and shared a wine tasting, more than a bit overpriced at $40. ZD is on the floor of the valley and the view from our tasting table, facing west over grapes everywhere, was again breathtaking. Carson poured the wines on the patio and we bought a bottle of Pinot Noir and a Chardonnay. We found during this trip that we really liked Pinot Blancs and while ZD just started making them, they are not yet available. Carson suggested a stop at Robert Sinsky winery for a great Pinot Blanc. With not much time left, Paul went in and bought a bottle, but not before accepting a quick taste. Our two cases are now complete and we stopped at Buffalo’s Shipping Post in Napa to send them back to Ohio.

The travel back down south to San Jose for our night’s stay at Marriott Courtyard near the airport was uneventful, with a short backup getting to I-80 and Elaine’s phone giving us a last minute, time-saving detour just miles from the hotel as I-880 got clogged. The poor souls on northbound I-660 were stuck in a twenty mile backup. I love visiting California, but that traffic would drive us insane.

Checked in the hotel and consulted Google Maps for a local bar to have a beer. Walked about ten blocks to the Doghouse Sports Lounge, a local dive bar and the polar opposite of this week’s wine tastings. Enjoyed some Oktoberfest beer, the colorful crowd and a bartender who moved as fast as any we’ve seen. She talked so fast when asking us if we wanted a short or a tall beer that we had to ask her to slow down and repeat it. What a ball of fire. Stopped at the liquor store next door and bought a 200ml bottle of Jameson for $9, just enough for a pair of cappers later on. Back at the hotel we had Happy Hour drinks at the hotel bar, ridiculously overpriced glasses of Decoy at $16 each. Very not happy. DInner was at Vito’s NY Trattoria, a couple blocks from the hotel and one of just a few choices, however, it was a winner. Elaine had Veal and Paul the Mixed Seafood platter, Then the cappers in bed and the day was done.

Saturday, September 10

Back to reality day … dammit. Except Starbucks. Happy to have Starbucks again.

Checked out, gassed up and returned the rental car, checked our bags and breezed through security, again, with TSA Pre-check. Enjoyed our traditional Bloody Mary’s and tried not to get depressed. Other than a tighter-than-expected connection in Los Angeles which caused us to buy airline food, the trip home was uneventful. Now the wait for Fedex and UPS to enjoy our spoils.